


trapped

by starkstruck



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Old work, Please be gentle on me, dedicated to my friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 21:05:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18301931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkstruck/pseuds/starkstruck
Summary: [ ＢＵＣＫＹ ＢＡＲＮＥＳ Ｘ ＲＥＡＤＥＲ ][ ＯＮＥ ＳＨＯＴ ]endless cycles of nothingness. that was what kept him alive.





	trapped

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to my best friend !! if you're reading this, this one's for you.

a simple day. it was monday when bucky had went to the garden to stare at the clouds- find peace, do his breathing techniques, and relax. the hem of his robe fell down up until the top of his ankles, and it made him feel utterly anxious. he felt as if he would trip, and tripping was not in his agenda for today.

he was seated on the wooden chair near the railings of the garden; with it being located under a tree that stood tall. it was obviously old. the oak of the tree signified that it was no younger than.. what? twenty- maybe fifteen- years?

a deep breath escaped his mouth, his eyelids shutting close as he crossed his arms. and soon, as his eyes snapped open once more, he felt the presence of another person approaching him.

"sergeant barnes," you greeted, a smile framed your lips as you made your way closer to him; your thumbs fiddling with anticipation of having the chance to talk to him.

he paused. it felt all too familiar. he tried his hardest to quit staring at you, knowing how it made you feel quite anxious. he knew. and yet he couldn't take his eyes off of you.

he found himself dumb founded at how he seemed to know you. where has he seen you before?

and as the wind blew, the leaves left from the old, dying tree rustled along as a sigh made its way out of his mouth.

"it's bucky."

**tristeţe**

tuesday. it was cloudy when bucky had stepped out to his garden again. but today, he had worn his pajamas as he found the temperature of today quite cold. he had his hair in a low ponytail so it wouldn't get in the way when he drank his morning coffee. he found it annoying on when the strands of his hair become sticky, especially after his morning baths.

he sat down on the grass. this time, not bothering to pull out his garden chair. he stared up above, taking sips from time to time as he took his time to admire the sky.

"you look well." said you as you entered the garden again, wearing the same attire as you did yesterday. bucky let a small smile make its way to his lips, patting the ground next to him.

"take a seat, y/n." he took a sip from his coffee, not seeing the forced grin on your face, because he was still too focused on the clouds in the vast, blue sky.

with a sigh, you opened the door to head inside; lingering on the door frame as you stared at bucky's back. this was for the best.

"i'll have to pass. another day, maybe."

**morală**

wednesday had brought down rain. and it was a good thing, because bucky was feeling too unmotivated to water his own flowers. he was grateful, yet sad at the same time.

he had planned on taking a walk to maybe spice up his morning routines. maybe buy coffee somewhere else. maybe he could even interact with people. it was too much of a hassle to take an umbrella, since he would still encounter puddles. his set of rain boots had holes from the last time he tried dancing in the rain with you. and that was.. a little over a year ago.

wait, what was he talking about? maybe he rambled on about a distant memory. he didn't know.

"you okay?" bucky heard the familiar sound of your voice, turning his head as he paused for a while. was he okay? that was a rather vague question. he was physically alright, especially since he ate much more healthy meals than when he did back then. as for other things.. it was either he felt conflicted, or bad.

"no, not really. how about you?"

he, once more, patted the wooden floor he was sitting on. maybe this time, you would take up on his offer. he felt cold, and figured he could seek warmth in your touch.

"i'm not sure, actually. maybe i'll find out as the day progresses." you chuckled wholeheartedly, crossing your arms as you avoided sitting next to him.

"i see. well, goodluck." he nodded in acknowledgement. his mood had only worsened once he had figured out that you were definitely trying to avoid getting too close.

he sighed. just like everyone else.

**înceta**

the morning on thursday was rather sunny. the rain that yesterday brought was slowly being dried by the sun that had risen once the clock struck six o'clock.

bucky had released yet another sigh; finding himself full of gloom for the past week. he had not remembered anything special happening last week, but the events that kept occurring to him felt all too familiar. it was uncanny. he didn't know why he felt a sense of nostalgia whenever he woke up, and did the things he had always done.

to try and spice up his routine once more, bucky had lingered on his bed a little while longer- staring at the ceiling as the silence deafened his ears. the rustling of leaves were the sounds he could make out of from when he listened intently to the world outside his window.

it seemed as if hours have already passed, but in truth, only 6 minutes had passed ever since bucky made the reluctant decision to not get out of bed. he felt numb. no, not the usual numbness he felt on most days- it was the kind of numb that still let him feel the heaviness of the weight on his shoulders as he carried on with his everyday life. it wasn't the kind of numbness where he had no idea what to feel- it was the one where he only felt one emotion, and that emotion made him feel empty.

he was lonely.

but as if on cue, you had opened the door to his room, taking in the sight of bucky staring lifelessly at the ceiling- you inched closer to the soldier, but not too close.

"come on, darling. your coffee's getting cold." you told him, smiling as you clasped your fingers together behind your back, making sure not to take your eyes off of bucky. he, however, did not even break his train of thought. he knew that it would happen all over again. he would ask for you to talk to him, to take a seat next to him- and you would decline. it was always like that.

"..bucky?" you called out reluctantly, with the said male shaking his head, and breaking out of his trance. he sat up, his feet making contact with the wooden floor. he did not even need to raise his head to know that you had walked away before bucky neared you. the bustling of your slippers was already enough indication that you did not want to be associated with him.

today was odd.

**obişnuit**

it was friday. to those who had classes, friday was basically the day where they achieved freedom. to bucky, however, it was a melancholic day.

he still contemplated on what was happening around him. everything was.. confusing. he was deep in thought, sitting on his couch with a cup of coffee on the table in front of him. it was three in the afternoon. he had woken up somewhere between eleven and twelve, and had broken down for some reason. he basically broke a lot of things in his room. the worst part was, he didn't even know why?

you were nowhere to be found. even when he had calmed down, you still weren't home. there was no breakfast on the table, there was no note signaling that you had left for the day- no, there was no sign.

the house seemed like a graveyard. it was silent, it was eerie, and it seemed as if somebody had simply  _died._

bucky tried his hardest not to pay attention to the silence in the house. he assured himself that you would be home soon. that he could still salvage the shitiness of this day.

he took a sip of his coffee, and winced slightly. he brought it back down on the table, and left to head in his garden again. he shivered from the cold, tightening his grip on his arms as he rubbed himself to stay warm.

once he was outside, the sight of his plants dying only made his mood worsen. he had walked ever so slowly to take a closer look at his flowers, trees and other plants- he was devastated. he released a shaky breath, and soon kneels on the ground full of dead grass.

ah, he had never been fond of cold coffee.

**recunoaşte**

saturday.

you still weren't home.

bucky clutched his hair out of frustration, soon burying his head onto his arms as he bit the insides of his cheeks. where were you?

his faintest memory was escaping the grasps of hydra, and living somewhere south. with you being with him along the way of recovering. he had met you during a mission of his, and woke up to you treating his wounds. and sure, he tried to kill you, but you were fine.

you were his salvation. he had always wanted the best for you. which is why he complied to escaping hydra, and taking you with him, to assure your safety.

but how was he supposed to calm down? you had been gone for almost two days.

the lights in the living room flickered on and off, the light emitting from the bulb went dull, and had soon given up completely. the walls were filled with photographs of people bucky could not recognize- it was as if their faces were a blur. you were the only one he saw, and no one else.

he released a deep breath. he heard the rustling of the leaves again, and soon, his vision had given up on him as well- quite similar to the bulb of light that had died out earlier.

he was trapped.

**la sfârşit**

white walls, with only two one door. the knob had shone as the light from the room reflected it, signaling that someone had come to open the light in bucky's room.

he shivered from the cold temperature. sunday mornings were always cold.

he leaned back on his wall, not bothering to take a seat on the bed given to him by the staff. it had happened again. bucky was sweating pinballs, his hair disheveled as he took deep breaths. he had to do his breathing routine to calm down. if he didn't, he would feel it again.

he gasped for air, feeling as if he was being suffocated. the window set on the door opened slightly, with eyes peeking ever so little at the distressed male.

"sergeant barnes..? are you alright? would you like for me to call the doctor?"

his eyes softened once he had seen the person standing on the door. you were back.

"y/n.. you're back.."

bucky had risen from his position, and walked towards you weakly. he had limped from step after step, when he had soon grasped the arms of the nurse in front of him.

"yo-you were gone for two days. you're back. you're actually.."

in the midst of things, bucky had started tearing up, and laughing out of sheer happiness. the nurse stared at him, before soon calling for her colleagues.

"yes- sedate him for a while, yes, yes. strap him to his bed,"

those were the last things bucky had heard, his laughter still filling the void inside him as he stared at the ceiling mindlessly. he felt his arms being tied, and as well as his legs. but at this point, he did not know what he was to do. he just laid there, as the nurses rushed him towards the observation room.

and as his laughter died down, he had closed his eyes- feeling his consciousness drift away once more.

and as soon as his lids had once again reopened, his orbs settled at the sight in front of him.

monday.

it was monday again.


End file.
